somewhere near the edges

We listen to the daily worsening economy news on NPR, wonder vaguely if the demigods who run this country have ideas ingenious enough to prevent loss of homes businesses, jobs, a way of life. Suddenly the conservatives are all behind regulation . . . even something that looks like a partial nationalization of the banking sector. ZX jokes that while China and Russia move toward a privatized economy, the Europe and the West are moving towards socialism. We laugh with the freedom that comes from youth, and the knowledge that we don't need much.

The other day I went through the cedar closet at Mom and Dad's. It was packed thick with blankets and clothes, and the thought crossed my mind that if I needed to, I could easily clothe and keep myself for the rest of my life with the contents of this four-by-four closet. The blue polyester pants that my mother sewed thirty years ago I will wear, but not the velvety white skirt and sweater set. I tried on the yellowed lace wedding dress, and found the high neck and long, tight sleeves unbearably constricting. A concession for conservative relatives at the wedding? I wondered, but Mom says it was the style then.

Last night on "Fresh Air" the Nobel prize-winning economist admitted there is a sort of glee in being here in this place, this time, and getting to watch all the shit go down. Before he said, he had to fly to Indonesia or something to see crisis of the moment; now he just takes the subway downtown. (As a citizen, though, he's "terrified.") I don't really know enough to be terrified, but I know what fascination feels like.

slowing down

Small leaves drift down Bruce, along with me and the bike. I'm glad to have started building on a paycheck, but it barely seems worth even going in to work for four hours on Wednesday and Thursday. They teach me how to make iced chai lattes and then two hours of "e-learning" on the dusty computer in the back of the kitchen. I laugh aloud at some of the test questions that come, but admire in a detached way the efficiency of the system I have entered. Food safety, dining room awareness, the "Panera Way." 

It's the "business model" approach that another group described in a recruiting meeting I attended on Wednesday. A more efficient way of making money than the time-for-money formula of a traditional job or small business. They started with an assumption that everyone wants more money. And time. But what good is time if you don't have money to spend enjoying it? Funny, I've found a whole lot of enjoyment out of watching the sunset clouds outside of Jill's window. Doesn't take a lot of money. I'm not opposed to earning money, but I'm cautious, wanting to take the slow way. The slow ferment that makes good bread, good cheese, good wine. Slow transportation that makes me notice the faces of the places I pass. Maybe even a slow approach to economic growth, Wayne Teel suggests in sunday school last week, might do us some good.