somewhere near the edges

We listen to the daily worsening economy news on NPR, wonder vaguely if the demigods who run this country have ideas ingenious enough to prevent loss of homes businesses, jobs, a way of life. Suddenly the conservatives are all behind regulation . . . even something that looks like a partial nationalization of the banking sector. ZX jokes that while China and Russia move toward a privatized economy, the Europe and the West are moving towards socialism. We laugh with the freedom that comes from youth, and the knowledge that we don't need much.

The other day I went through the cedar closet at Mom and Dad's. It was packed thick with blankets and clothes, and the thought crossed my mind that if I needed to, I could easily clothe and keep myself for the rest of my life with the contents of this four-by-four closet. The blue polyester pants that my mother sewed thirty years ago I will wear, but not the velvety white skirt and sweater set. I tried on the yellowed lace wedding dress, and found the high neck and long, tight sleeves unbearably constricting. A concession for conservative relatives at the wedding? I wondered, but Mom says it was the style then.

Last night on "Fresh Air" the Nobel prize-winning economist admitted there is a sort of glee in being here in this place, this time, and getting to watch all the shit go down. Before he said, he had to fly to Indonesia or something to see crisis of the moment; now he just takes the subway downtown. (As a citizen, though, he's "terrified.") I don't really know enough to be terrified, but I know what fascination feels like.